Dear Bruno Mars,

I know that you have a reputation as an innocent and unthreatening musician, with your radio jingle about your girlfriend who you love just the way she is, and that song about how you want to lay around in your Snuggie all day. You don’t have the reputation of, say, Chris Brown. But after my iPod adapter broke this week and I was forced to listen to your mess of a radio hit, “It Will Rain,” multiple times, I realized that you are not at all innocent and in fact should probably be in therapy.

“It Will Rain” fits perfectly as a soundtrack single for the newest “Twilight” movie because it glorifies all the disturbing, creepy personality traits of Edward Cullen, a character who stalks, obsesses over and finally abuses his significant other while claiming he can’t help it because, goshdarnit, he just loves her too much. In your song, “It Will Rain,” you claim that if your girlfriend leaves you, you won’t be able to live, will have to sedate yourself, will give up on religion, will take some vague action that will require you to bleed, and, in short, will never be happy again. You also claim that the parents of the woman targeted by your song don’t like you and find you “troublesome,” but they just don’t understand your relationship.

Could it be that her parents are troubled by your threats to overdose on drugs and in other ways cause physical harm to yourself if their daughter decides to break up with you?

Edward Cullen is able to skate by on his good looks and charm with the excuse that all of his unattractive and alarming personality traits can be blamed on the fact that he is a vampire. The creators of the “Twilight” movies can at least hope that young, impressionable girls who watch the movies will realize that it’s NOT okay to wake up the morning after your wedding covered in bruises, or to wake up each night of your high school career with someone sitting on your bed in the dark, staring at you, and following you everwhere in a fancy car. They can say, “It’s just a movie, and Edward is a vampire, and none of this is applicable in any way to real life.”

But since, as far as we know, you are not a vampire, Bruno Mars, frankly, you don’t have that excuse. I know you told GQ magazine that you don’t want to be a role model, but guess what? That’s what happens when you’re famous. And regardless of what you do with your personal life, you shouldn’t be creating songs that teach listeners, particularly females, that boys who stalk, abuse and obsess over them are romantic and worthy life partners.

Unfortunately for me, my opinion will not affect the songs that play on the radio. But let me assure you that, to quote you, “there’ll be no sunshine” in my life until this song dies. In fact, you can “leave some morphine at my door” to get me through the radio rotation.

Sincerely,

A disgusted radio listener